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Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

	2008.01.12  11.33 another day in paradise Well, my heart must have healed faster than expected, becaue I am in love yet again. This morning I shared 20 glorious minutes with the new love in my life: a big st. bernard mix. This dog was like one of those cheechy japanese cartoon characters, except it was a real dog with those enormous eyes and too-cute expression. Love, love, love! And me, with no yard! I thought by working at the shelter it would help me not mind life without a dog--but here, I suppose, is the flip side. I think when my lease does end this summer I'm going to hafta take Roxie from my parents. (Those Sheridan visitors will remember her as the spotted spaz who humps furniture with great enthusiasm). Dad says he's going to put her to sleep soon, so I need to grab her up as soon as I can. But I wonder if I can rent a back yard for this wonderful dog I found this morning...sigh, you can't always get what you want. Anyway, let's touch on people love now. I had my little date with this Fred character last weekend, and it went pretty well. He's interesting and a bit like me in that he goes off on accidental adventures by himself, which makes me feel a bit more normal for doing the same. (I'm baffled by how many people around here are stunned I moved somewhere where I didn't know anyone, that I left my family just for a job...makes me feel like I did something wrong to my family or that I'm some strange loner-breed. It doesn't help that I get a constant guilt trip from my folks--mom talks in a constant state of nostalgia and dad has put on 20 lbs and stopped running because of my move. What were those college years for? I don't get it.) Anyway, Fred is funny, but a bit mean and crass...and a little cynical for me. He did remind me of Beck a couple times though. For one, he majored in psyhcology. He also has this weird love/hate/punish relationship with his dad. To get back at his dad one time, he snuck into a slaughter house and got a sheep head, then crept into his dad's room while he slept and laid the sheep head on the pillow next to his dad! THEN, he hid in the closet until Dad woke up just to see him freak. Hence the nickname "Sheep Head Fred" that keeps popping up in my mind. It reminded me of the piss-lemonade story, actually. Anyway, he's too interesting not date at least a little bit more...did I mention he was a bubble boy for about 3 months because of a rare blood disease and had to relearn to walk? Or that he's Jewish? Or that he drove to Key West one weekend just to fish by himself? See...interesting. And now, to enjoy my Saturday! Mood: cheerful Music: "don't stop thinking about tommorrow"

	2008.01.04  23.42 sleepy girl Okay, gotta stop eating this pound cake. I mean, I had all this sour cream left over, so naturally I'd make a pound cake versus throwing this stuff away. Sometimes I just let food I think is bad sit in the fridge while I think through how bad it could be. The food rarely becomes more tempting after this official waiting period. But if my organic fruit grows mold...at least I can rest assured it's ORGANIC mold. Busy day at the office. One fella I interviewed kept repeating how he's been in and outta prision as an excuse for him not working (a valid excuse, I'll admit). He had one of those teardrop tattoos under his eye...isn't that like a gang thing? I couldn't stop glancing at it, though I suppose he's used to that. This is why I can't enjoy COPS anymore...it just seems tiresome now. Anyway, I decided to jump back in the dating game guys...oh boy! The strategy is just to treat it lightly and make it fun. I don't want to be one of those women who "rebounds"...that word keeps popping up in my mind...heck, how are you supposed to know it's okay to try again? Note to self: watch more MTV and read more Cosmo. They'll know what to do. Oh, but I have a date with Fred (haha, what's with these names) tomorrow. He let me pick the place: "So, where do you wanna go?" "I like those diner places where the waitresses look like they were truckers at one point" "Oh, like Waffle House"? I've certainly doomed any chance of a healthy relationship with this one by making our first date at the waffle house...but if the company is no good, I know those waffles are! Fred's an attorney, so I plan on discussing the movie Legally Blond and nothing else. It's all in the planning, really. Oh, and Beck, I've decided to train for a half marathon! Can you believe it? I've always given those endeavors an automatic "no"...until this one I suppose, haha. That t-shirt better kick ass. Mood: gassy...pound cake! Music: oldies station

	2008.01.01  19.41 geez Beck I just finished cooking up some black eyed pea chowder...I was to lazy to make it yesterday and you're supposed to let the stuff sit one day...and have entered the new year by eating one black eyed pea. Let the good luck begin! A very cold and windy day, and while I had one of the most miserable runs ever, I was treated to horizontal snow and this evening there is a small blanket covering my little city. Precious! I'm hoping for a snow day...but since I walk to work I don't think I'll EVER get one...boss told me if I show up, I work. I don't know what boy Jen is talking about...I'll let you know if my love life picks back up though. But you know one positive thing about having your heartbroken--girls take an interest in you! No, nothing like that--but before, I only hung out with the married men at the office, but when it got out I'd had a rough breakup, whoa, were did this attention come from? I'd be walking past a desk and hear "Kelsey" and I turn and am like "what" and they'll just be like "oh, hey, how are you". It's nice. New Years Eve I actually went to one of their parties and finally got to play Wii and guitar hero outside of Best Buy, haha. I also joined the YMCA and started going to the Louisville Hiking club hikes...the first one was last Sunday. It's advertised as like a single thing and I really really didn't want any "hey baby" crap while I'm trying to get away and enjoy the outdoors...thankfully, that's not really how the club is. It's just a group of mostly older people who like to hike and drink. Perfect. Oh, and I love some resolutions...here's my list: 1. Lose weight, feel great (it's a classic resolution I just gotta have) 2. Keep tabs on where my money goes 3. Buy organic (I don't know where this money comes from though) 4. Have a nightlife, but don't try to keep up with the lifers 5. Be less neurotic (I think this has more to do with me worrying less about myself and putting that stress into something worthwhile). Mood: cheerful Music: my heater

	2007.12.15  09.25 characters Okay, the saga ends here. I got the final note from a now official "ex" (uuuugh) saying that he didn't make a stupid mistake, that he really didn't actually have feelings for this here girlie. Ugh, it sucks so much! I wrote back that I always had a feeling he was gay, and now I know for sure. Sometimes my tongue in cheek doesn't translate on paper--oh well, it's over anyway. Lame! But as I said, moving on, moving on....I had planned to spend all day baking and/or lounging in a coffee shop. We're having a weekend of "winter weather". Today I woke up to ice pinking off my window, and Sunday promises snow! (You know, I sincerly did not realize how far north this city is, geographically and culturally...whoops). Anyway, I don't have any food. Like, I have ketchup and syrup, but no food. I just ate the canned peaches for breakfast...that was the last of the chewable stuff. Now let me present my problem of logistics. Living downtown, I have to pay for parking this car I only drive on the weekends since I mostly just hoof about on foot. The lots around my apartment? $60 a month. Screw that. I've found if I park behind the stripper joint across from the federal building where I work (also the outskirts of the real hard side of town, downtown can be rough, but this is the public housing area), it's about $15. I had parked here in the beginning, but moved the day after there was a gun fight in the lot. So anyway, I meant to go get my car last night (it's a 15 minute walk) but it was dark and my hair was wet, I didn't feel like sneaking out there. Well, now I gotta go out in the "wintry mix". I like living downtown, and I love my apartment, but it is a strategic game at times, haha. My job though...similar to how I didn't realize where Louisville was, I didn't realize how GOOD this job is. Someone showed me the promotion ladder and in four years my income will almost double. Jesus, maybe one day I CAN own my own home. And if I get sick of these people it's really easy, they say, to transfer to another office anywhere in the states. So I can get back to Arkansas or start another adventure in Wyoming. But I like getting to know Louisville, so no plans as of yet. Mood: cozy Music: "only the good die young" song

	2007.12.09  14.28 You people are nice to me. Thanks. I feel better today, but I'm coming from a very low place, so I'm not super or even good. Saturday I just felt restless and exhausted all at once, and the rainy gray weather did nothing for my listless mood. I went for a long walk, disregarding the drizzle, and THAT was a bad idea 'cause it was so gray. The river, for some reason, didn't have any ducks. Instead it had seagulls. For some reason, that just added to my miserable mood. But at the apartment I felt like one of those people who tries to escape from their nursing home. Ugh, I didn't want to be there either. So that night I went out to this coffee place attached to a book store, bought a novel (that "explores the tricky journey to adulthood with honesty, humor, and generosity") and sat down in the little place with some joe. Since the coffee shop was so small, the group of 30 somethings that came in kinda sat with me and they shared their sex and relationship stories with the random stranger with coffee in the corner. God, they were so cool about their exploits, flippant and crass...I was horrified at the idea that people turn into these characters that are too cool to care. So that didn't help my mood either. (The compulsive novel-buy was a good idea. Escapism, I know, but I need to escape somehow). So I went back home, happy about my book, but even more down about the world. Finally that night I sat and wrote Todd out a letter and when I reread it I cried 'cause it was perfect...it was just how I'm feeling and now he could know. That made me feel ALIVE again. I also decided to not try and not feel sad. I just laid down and was sad and made myself be okay with that. So, Todd gets a peek at my heart, I have a book to escape with, and I'm going to be sad until it goes away on its own. Ptphh. Mood: depressed Music: rain

	2007.12.07  21.59 where did it go? NOOOOOOOO! That's all I could hear my inner voice saying after last night's call. No no no no no! Todd ended it. He just called, started sighing and stuttering, and I knew what he was doing. I obviously have never been heartbroken before this...I am devestated, scared, and nauseous...sometimes it's okay, but another wave will come along when all I can do is squint my eyes shut. I can't believe it. It just came out of nowhere...he had not called all week and I assumed it was the 12 (now 14) hour days, and I wanted to be understanding and respectful of whatever rest time he had. Well I finally called last night since I wasn't going to be around Friday or Saturday night and he doesn't answer, but I'm pleasently surprised when I get a call later that night. He sounded dead, but I just thought he was sleepy and then I just choke as he explains he doesn't click with me and that he can see us as friends and that's it. God, it felt like a death sentence. I can't send Todd a gushy-feelings letter, but I'll do it here. I really am in love with the man. Work requires me to deal with an inordinatly large percentage of hard, bitter, and mean spirited people (not all of them of course, but many), but just knowing I had this guy that would have my back if I described a bad interview, even if I never told him the incident, made it okay. I had a one-up on people who treated me horribly, so it was easy. I don't know many people, but strangers didn't bother me, 'cause if I was akward, I'd still have someone who did kinda "get" me. I could talk and listen to that voice for hours, I find him so interesting and fun to talk with. I want more than anything to help him and care for him....god, it's so pathetic, but it's accurate. And now I can't! I feel like a puppy scratching at the back door; I just want to be let back in but there is NOTHING I can do. Except be sad. Everything, everything became so hard after one 10 minute phone call. Mood: rejected Music: police sirens

	2007.12.03  19.06 but what would jesus do? If the former Turkish ambassador to Iran's son gave you his phone number, would you call? The people you meet in this world... Mood: flattered Music: happy song on radio

	2007.11.28  06.24 schnanagans Happy Post Thanksgiving! (Yes, that's the one sponsered by cereal). I got to celebrate dia de gobble not only in Arkansas, but with our dear friend Beck, and just enough family members to make it a happy break indeed. (The annoying members were no-shows...see you Christmas!) Aw Beck, so nice seeing you again...I hope I wasn't too boy crazy the whole time...though you were the one ripping men from clothing magazines, writing some dialogue, and posting it on my fridge. Cold shower please. Back to work though! The great thing is, we've had a break from training this week, so we get to spend all day actually DOING the job. Yesterday I fell in love with this Bosnian family...I wish my boss wasn't hovering or I would have exchanged contact information with the two sons my age...cool people. The dad didn't smile in either his drivers license or his certificate of naturalization (what they get when they become citizens) so I was like "You don't look happy to be an American" and from the limited English he spoke, he's like "No, I'm not!" and kind of smiles. Poor guy, it's gotta be hard leaving home...forever. Especially at his age. I mean I talk to 70 year old cubans who have just passed the citizenship test...these people have to learn basic English, at age 70! Anyway, I told the Bosnians to go to McDonalds to celebrate...now that's living the dream, haha. Monday night I drove a whole 1.3 miles (I really don't drive much living in the inner city and all, so it's a treat) into old louisville to meet the kids I'm going to babysit for. Old Louisville is great...it's a little rough around the edges crime wise, but it's just hundreds (seriously) of great old Victorian style houses...and this family lives in one, so I get to explore the inside of one. The kids are adorable and the mom is a bit of a hippie, explaining to me why she BELIEVES in social security and how all we need to do is tax the rich. Haha, I like her and the kids are quirky. One read the entire time I was there and the other drags out every animal she owned to show me (mom said "no" to dragging out the fish...we tried to explain the breathing thing). And in my down time, it's holiday decorating! Love the season, I really do. Mood: creative Music: silence in the morning

	2007.11.11  14.56 lazy sunday and too much coffee...mmm Welcome back, friends. So, my first week of training is complete, along with the first test (management bases any promotions on our test results...cripes!). Scores were fine, though Toby got a better grade which means I have to listen to his inflated egoism all the more. He's nice and fun to joke around with, but he doesn't have a whole lot of respect for, ummm, others' feelings. All 3 of the other trainees can be great fun...I'm probably just too sensitive to properly be "one of the guys". Saturday morning I FINALLY got some sweet doggie lovin at the Indiana shelter, where I'm a Saturday morning dog walker. There are about 3 other volunteers, as well as some high school staff that make me praise the lord that I'm not in high school anymore. I forgot how people were back then, yikes! But puppy dogs, ahhh, heavenly...even if they did smear some shit on my pants. It's organic! Full of do-gooder spirit, I also went to give blood later, and had the MEANEST nurse stick the needle in diagonally. She also stood right next to me the whole time, watching the blood pump. About halfway through she snaps "why don't you pump the ball to speed this up?!" (You sqeeze a stress reliever ball while you give...no one has ever told me to squeeze the ball, and I didn't really want to cause the stinking horizontal needle was so uncomfortable, I was afraid I'd implode my arm or something). After enough blood was out, she was so SLOW getting me unattached from the tubes, and she finally noticed the grimace on my face, she asks if I'm okay, and I say "this needle is really uncomfortable" and she replies in a snap "well, I'm gonna take it out, just hooooold on". There must be an easier way to get nutter butters. Saturday night I went out with Todd and two of his friends to a Chinese place and did my best to be pleasant. Apparently I really pissed off his sister in law and I'm SOOO scared I'm going to screw this thing up. I really am amazed with this guy. He works 12 hour days, supports his brother's family without resentment, is adorably protective and playful with his 2 year old nephew, and mutters cute little things to their doggie without even realizing he's doing it. I know the only thing to do is be myself and hope he keeps wanting to be with me, but there is a lingering worry that I'm not quite good enough. (And I KNOW what my good and dear friends would reply to that, it was incredibly emo, but I'm just saying what I feel. I hafta have somewhere to put my worries, right?) Other than that, I've resonded to a woman looking for a babysitter in nearby Old Louisville (just outside of downtown), so I might start watching little kiddos again. I need somebody I can talk Disney with, haha. Mood: grateful Music: mika

	2007.11.03  20.51 sacred saturday I'm with the Jews nowadays...Saturday is my day of rest. So is Sunday. As well as federal holidays (all for the Lord, of course). So my fellow trainees shouldn't give me lip when I don't volunteer for overtime hours on Saturdays. I asked my supervisor if she depends on us working overtime and she tells me "no, no...in fact, sometimes I don't have enough to do for everyone". But these two guys always judge me as some lazy shmuck for not coming in...it's not that I'm lazy, I'm just sick of go-go going. That's why I wanted this predictable job, 'cause college-food service life doesn't provide a true Saturday. Anyway, this is just one of the things that cause me to have a headache everyday after work. You see, training began last week (that's right...I'm been dealing with billions of tax payers dollars and thousands of people's identity's without training...Happy Halloween indeed), which means I spend about 5 hours of my day in a room with my 3 other trainees watching the training broadcast. Don't get me wrong, I like these guys, but there definitly is a kind of sexist mob thing that develops. Josh, the youngest, made me feel a lot better though when he apologized for all the sexist nonsense I have to put up with. It's not so bad when someone recognizes the treatment I sometimes get. But anyway, in training we watch a live broadcast and have keypads we can use to call in with questions--fun fun! Today I went for a nice long hike (turns out the nation's largest "urban forest" is 15 minutes away!) in a golden forest in perfect weather...one of those walks when you think all is right in the world. Tomorrow Todd's coming over for pie and coffee, and a walk out to the river if I can convince him. I like this boy mucho. He lives with his brother, his brother's wife, and a little nephew in a proper neighborhood, so I went over there for Halloween and passed out candy while we also made little brain cupcakes (with flesh colored frosting...ewww!). I thought at first he was mooching off his brother's small family, but actually Todd's been trying to move out for some time, but is trapped by his bro's fiscal irresponsability and has to pay to help care for the little boy. That's a good heart, eh? My update is all over the place tonight--sorry for that! Mood: content Music: silence

	2007.10.27  14.35 the hood You know, maybe it is all about confidence and trying to impress upon people that you've got it all together and feel great about the person you are. Or more than that, that you don't care what other people think. (Even though I'm pretty sure everyone is as obsessed as I am with what others think.) Anyway, Friday this guy comes to my plexiglass-bullet proof window, very much from the hood, at least vocabulary and style wise. But, we were both wearing denim jackets. I looked at him, and my "Kelsey-Don't!" alarm was completly silent, so I just grinned and exclamed "We're twins! You're most welcome to my window". And to my relief he laughed and we had a normal conversation. Another guy comes up with his mom, both of them a bit of a cliche with the long combo of names (Lashaequwa, or something like it), a ridiculous amount of jewelry and a slur of cussing. But after a bit of chit chat, turns out this guy wants to be a vet (well, a vet tech...he told me doesn't like science, just animals, so I was thinking that is probably the best). Well his mom is very hard on that idea, calling the guy crazy and what not, but I'm like DO IT! Be a vet! You can work anywhere and everybody will need you blah blah blah. I wanted to throw something at the mom though. What has she done lately except dye her hair flourecent orange? Anyway, so many folks come in, slouch in their seats and barely mutter their request or complaints AT you, but again, I'm thinking its just what makes them confident. Nonchalance makes them a bit cooler than you. But if you ignore that initial rudeness...I don't know, it's nice the conversation you can get out of 'em. I want to update about so many things, but I don't know how to arrange all the happenings and goings ons...my life is very different then what it was in May, like all of you guys...so I just picked one of my musings to post. Mood: energetic Music: coffee pot gurgling

	2007.10.17  21.47 after being so mellow for such a long time, I forgot what it was like to feel my blood really boil. But good god, I HATE being talked down to. At the very end of the day I got this letter from a man sniffing for his "daughter's" social security card and after some investigation with the docs he sent, as well as with the info in the computers (plus the scary driver's liscense photo), this stuff sends off my alarms. So I go to show two other trainees this interesting case I found, and it turns around into this freakin tutorial about what I should do and how EASY the case is when they don't realize ('cause they won't let the little woman speak) is I've DONE all that investigation stuff...you're not showing me any tricks I don't know about, GOD let me SPEAK or in the very least GO AWAY! Man, the dopes kept following me and talking at me like idiots. They finally snatched a birth certificate to verify it with this super nice man I have a slight crush on who confirmed I did indeed have a unique case and was right to suspect wrong doing. Yes, I like this man even more now. Whew, so, none of that makes sense, but I have no girlfriends to vent with and the whole thing enfuriated me. I hate that protective crap these guys are tempted to revert too--they are probably my best friends in town, but I keep forgetting they are all married men, not girlfriends by any means, and I should be selective with what I divulge and what treatment I receive. Anyway, my mom is in town tommorrow for a toxicology conference, so she'll quiz me about Toooodd (who I was sorry to discover, smokes pot...sigh...). Don't worry my friends, I will proceed with caution with this one. I do really like him though. Mood: annoyed Music: that hip hop the kids listen to

	2007.10.11  20.28 how to live life like an idiot...by kelsey harris Why is it every time I meet a frenchman, I HAVE to say "sac le bleu"? I mean, really...freewill my ass. This french guy comes up and my mental dialogue consists of "don't say it-don'tsayit-don'tsac le bleu!" And there it is. Cartoons have truly rotted my brain: Anal-Anti-Tv-Moms:1 Kelsey: 0 (brain). Want another? Last night I'm gonna have another date with Todd (god, everytime I think the name, Kelsey Narrator says it all california surfer-like: "Tooodd"...I expect it's the same with everyone eh? Just one of those names, haha) who picks a chain restaurant that I'd never heard of. Naturally, we are both feeling stood up for about half an hour 'cause we went to different locations. So, he ended up finding out about my secret cell phone and we had a nice date. Upon getting to know him better, I'm not tragically in love anymore, but he is a sweetie and I'm endeared by his nervousness and nerdiness. He did mention "our kids" at one point, which immediatly sends off the alarms (although to be fair, after date one I was picturing the bridesmaids dresses I was gonna make yall wear, haha). I made him kiss me by asking point blank whether or not he was going to while in the parking lot...what a Jezebel! Oh, but I must not forget the final flourish of my idiocy. Coming back from a walk, I walked to the corner of the hall to enter my apartment, wondering how I could have left the tv on. I stuck in the key and pushed the door which opened unlocked and walked into a complete strangers apartment! I had left the elevator 2 floors early. I blindly say "Oh!", slam the door, and run down the hall to the stairwell (why do I always say "oh" in those situations? There has to be a God, because evolution wouldn't design me to announce my screwups that might have otherwise gone unnoticed). And that, is how you live like an idiot. Mood: hey, not bad Music: oldies station

	2007.10.06  21.30 Dear diary I am in LOVE! Nerdy and quirky and handsome and great. If you need proof, he agreed to go see Mr. Bean with me....that's right, I will be seeing Mr. Bean with a consenting ADULT. Unbelievable. And since he's not local, he talks about things other then the local football rivalry. Gee whiz, I hope he likes me back... Other then that, I ran a 5k this morning and then baked some really gross cookies. Mood: ecstatic Music: oldies station

	2007.10.04  22.02 a cultural note In Burma, it's okay to burp in public. Loud and proud baby. While interviewing todays batch of Burmese refugees, the mom, as non-chalant as hell, crosses her legs leisurely and "BEEERRRRGHHHH". I glance up, and the family looks as bored as they were before the "BEEEEERRRRRGHHHH" from mama. The mother would repeat this 3 times over the course of the interview. Good god...so hard...not to...laugh....holding that chuckle back probably took 6 months off my life. "BEEEERRRRGHHHH". Also, I got another date coming up this Saturday. It's an ex-farmer from Michigan. Here's hoping eh? Mood: drained Music: oldies station

	2007.09.27  20.08 hmph! Well, as it turned out, rather than showing up for our Friday date, the Cop decides to disappear from the face of the earth? I don't think he has died, 'cause we finalize most of the deaths in Louisville and surrounding area. So, that's that then. Hmm, well Saturday I was going to meet this big group to go hiking, who cares about Cop standing me up (I actually really like chilling in my apartment)...but I am yet again stood up. This time by a group of people! (I got mad and drove out to the park and hiked alone. It was quite nice, and only 45 minutes away. It reminded me of northern Arkansas. I also had a deer trot up to me like an Irish Setter, which was unsettling, but made me feel like snow white). Then I contacted the folks throwing the Louisville Oktoberfest celebrations to volunteer as a weiner turner, and they haven't called me back as promised, and the fest starts tomorrow! But the animal shelter opens up its orientation program in a week and a half, so I'll be able to get involved there real soon. And I'm very confident I've picked the right church; Last Sunday was the first day of fall, and we sang a CHRISTMAS song to celebrate! Scandal, what wonderful, jolly scandal! AND, there is this guy in the choir who either sings a note to long, or comes in too soon, and he sounds just like Mr. Bean. I hope people think I'm full of the Spirit, and not just tickled that Mr. Bean is a part of our congregation, haha. Today I had some frustrated Cubans call me The Government over and over again ("You have to go to Immigration to fix this number... "NO! NO! You are The Government! Just do it Government!" "Oh, okay, and while you're here, can I help you with your taxes, and here are your stamps"...yea, I actually didn't say that last part...it would not have been helpful, nor funny, at that moment). I also stretched an interview with two Brits as long as possible, so I could be charmed by their accents. One woman's docs came up suspect and I told her procedure was to send her to Canada...they LOVED that, at least after they realized I was joking. Homeland Security tends to frighten immigrants I think. NOte to self... Mood: mellow Music: bad radio music

	2007.09.20  20.39 sooo wasted Man, it's true: Nyquil DOES give you nightmares. I've had a bit of a cold all week, so I take the stuff before bed. Last night some guy's skin melted off his head and shoulders, but his eyeballs were still there, looking all pitiful. Ugh! Wake up San Fransico! But anyway, I'm feeling much better now, so it wasn't West Nile Virus (which is what I told my entire office. Being sick away from home always makes me miss my mom. If I coughed or sneezed in front of her, her first reaction wouldn't be "Ewww, you're nasty!"). Did I mention, however, that taking a year of Chinese wasn't a waste of time! Yea, yesterday I got to translate a Chinese adoption decree, so the girl I did it for told all the supervisor's I speak Chinese too. (And I assured them again and again, all I am really good for is asking for coffee and apartment shopping, haha). What a thrill. But today, I just had a dozen refugees from Burma (or is it Myanmar?)...and my silly 101 Languages of the World software doesn't include that tongue. I don't see why not. They have the best names in the world. One guy's name was "Ah Eh". I wish my name expressed admiration, and then ambivalence as well as that guy's did. Now for some news outside my silly little work world--I have my first eharmony date tommorrow. Or at least I'm supposed to. I've been talkin to this detective...and he doesn't seem psycho. Anyway, I told Josh, another trainee, that if I'm not back Monday, I've been chopped into little pieces (I hope the Nyquil sponsered dreams weren't actually a premonition!) Sorry, I've been reading this English history book...very nasty stuff, governa'. Soo, in any case, wish me luck! Mood: drunk

	2007.09.15  18.30 brrrr! Goodness, the weather is heavenly here. HOwever, my air conditioning is centrally controlled so it's always really cold--I used to could open the window and the 100 degree weather would make the place comfortable...now I have to blow dry my face and under my sweaters, haha. But it does give me reason to drink cocoa. But let's talk Social Security. I didn't realize how bad people can smell. I've always liked the smell of cigarettes...I mean, Nanaw always smells nice and homey, even though she smokes. But on some folks it just nestles into their skin or something and mingles horribly with sweat and alcohol and their breath. The security guard was telling me about how she nicknames a lot of our clients with names like "Putrid" and "Smelly" and "Barfbag". (We have a lot of smelly regulars). I pray for simple B.O., which I can handle, but some of these people...one guy smelled so foul, I had to choke back down vomit. He himself smelled like he'd been thrown up on and then whoever had thrown up, had also died on him. Two weeks ago. He was also the guy dripping with pink eye. Anyway, I have much greater appreciation for the average homeless person's scent of B.O. and sweat. The job is always getting better though. Friday was an especially good day--everyone told me I was so nice and helpful, and there was this one inarticulate fellow who just said I was awesome every 5 minutes. Yes I have the awesome power to issue you a new Social Security cared, look at me! A lot of people think your doing them a big favor, when normally, you're just following the rules and taking your time. Normally, anyway. Since I'm one of the bilingual reps, I get most of the hispanics...many of which are quite certainly illegal. Usually I get people who come in with children born in the US, so they're citizens, but the parents aren't. I used to wait for them to start speaking Spanish to me, 'cause someone told me they got offended when an American assumed they couldn't speak English, but often they are whispering worridly to one another, so that when I start in with Spanish they look at me like "oh shit, she knows". (INS is upstairs). I'm glad I don't work for INS--I'd so be in jail. But here I just use whatever documents I can to set the children up straight and tell the parents GET YOUR CITIZENSHIP PAPERWORK TOGETHER. But my coworkers are a good bunch of people. I've started running with Toby Keith, the newest trainee. He's trying to hook me up with his high school buddy named "Cletis". Jesus...hey, by the way, when did everybody on earth get married? I feel like I'm the only single person left. It's like, I graduated, and no one is married, then WAM, one summer and the whole universe is hitched! Everyone at work and church asks me who/where is my husband. I should just tell them he crooked, pass it on, then no one would ask me again. Though I am happy to find some normal people on eHarmony. I haven't got out with anybody, but I'm talking with this nice cop (who worked for the forestry service for 3 years like that guy in the plasma bus, Becky) and another guy who admitted he's been listening to the Harry Potter audio books and drinks too much coffee. Good deal. The plan is to seduce these men, then steal their circle of friends, HA! Mood: cold

	2007.09.09  16.26 the weekend It's so nice to have a little home of my own to fix up and decorate without having to share the decorating decisions. Mine all mine, haha! So I've got the beaver lamp Becky gave me next to my perfect Big Lots couch (thank you Big Lots Angel), my family crest up on the wall (those plastic crusader shields from the Dollar Tree) and "Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs" proudly displayed with my fairy-flower headband Sam and I picked out from New Orleans. It's all coming together nicely, so come when you can. Oh, and Becky, remember when we had that Showboat pork and beans can nailed to the wall? Well, I'm flipping through a decorating magazine, right, and what do I see, but a feature about empty soup cans nailed to the wall! We are so advant gard (or whatever...where is our reality tv show? We're obviously geniouses). Anyway, I've got empty soup cans up against my kitchen wall. Cambells is a bit classier than showboat pork and beans, I must admit. I few days ago, I got an email from one of my Turkish friends I met in Wyoming. Turns out, she's been living with her Turkish boyfriend in DC for the past three weeks, and is scared of his super conservative parents who are coming to visit. So, she's coming to live with me for a couple weeks. It'll be nice to have someone to hit the town with. Friday night they have a trolley hop, where you can hop on and off at different art galleries downtown. It's very nice at times, because you get all this free wine and have nice things to look at, but as it got later, it got a little...umm, hippie and unfriendly. I'd walk by people discussing Greek mythology in their own artwork or about how no one else can see what they do in the art. Kinda snobby. I'm glad I don't have to hang out with art people all the time, I'd be depressed. Skinny, but depressed. This morning I went to this really pretty stone church, and I'm lucky 'cause the place is just right. They sing my favorite hymns, and they have a few young married couples who are very down to earth and cool. Rockin' potluck afterwards too, lotsa cake. Tis my life these days. No dates yet, but I'm talking with this cop, so I'll see if he wants to go to Krispy Kreme sometime soon. Oh yea, and Friday after work, this woman on my floor gave me 7 boxes of tampons. AND, after 3 days, they decided to turn my hot water back on. Score! Mood: content Music: ohh, silence

	2007.09.05  20.56 ye ole social security Yea, the trainees have been set free from their desks and baffling data inputs! Now we are deducting what people need based on baffling inputs. Yesterday morning I hear my supervisor "Yes, today we throw the trainees to the wolves"! Now this is a job. It's a circus in our cubicle playworld, us all zipping around. Oh, but I get such a thrill from being a professional. The thought keeps passing through my mind "I feel like a grown up". Wish I could grow a mustache. Anyway, I get to use my Spanish...and even my Chinese (but only to pronounce names. Still, I'm proud to be official Chinese pronouncer. This one Chinese guy I was interviewing was so cute when I said his name all gutteral and Wendy like). Since the trainees only half know what they're doing, there's always a supervisor hovering, and i always want them to go away so I can chat it up with all the foreigners who come in. I've gotten a refugee from Sudan, a vietnamese girl my age marrying an american NOT my age(must learn some vietnamese), Cuban parolees (aver!), crazy people, and people who yell at me! Weeeee! Lovin' it. Some people are so confused about where they are and what's going on, I don't see how they found the office. Others are sparkling white, fresh from prison. I'm realizing I'm much to curious for this job, but I don't ask, I don't ask. (HOwever if I'm at my desk with their prison record, I'll see what's up. Whoa, don't want to be HIS neighbor.) In other news, this afternoon a one-eyed hawk perched on my windowsill/ledge for a few hours. I'd never seen one that close...I wish we could have been friends. Kelsey and her one-eyed hawk. Take care all Mood: cheerful Music: cheiftans

	2007.09.03  00.53 Okay, how much are you guys going to tease me if I tried internet dating? More than anything I want to be in a relationship where the guy has a dog...but oh, internet dating is so sad! Mood: embarrassed Music: NPR

	2007.09.01  22.43 My no bra ha-chacha! Yea! No bra + internet access = Kelsey got hooked up today! Not everyone at the public library has the same Bra in Public Policy (enacted 1997), but who can keep up with fashion these days. Sag is back! I also discovered I have a doorbell, which is a real treat. AND on Thursday the fumagators came and took my fleas and left a stain the looks like piddle on my carpet. (I told my manager, and yea, I described it as piddle, and she squints at me like that's "to much infermatioooon". I thought "piddle" was age appropriate). Anyway, I'll take flea-bomb stain from fleas any day. Ya' know, I really am not a city person, but Louisville is pretty quirky and has plenty to do. It was a bit more difficult in Spain, cause I didn't have my own house to tinker in and I was never sure what I was doing wrong when people would stare. Here though it's like being on tv. And the idea that I'm all alone will crop up and knock me back a bit...but the flip side, NO ONE knows ME. I keep forgetting. Yea, my coworkers...but no one lives downtown, no one sees what I do. So I do what I normally wouldn't if I knew a professor or whoever would see. I stroll, baby. Today I attended the world fest festivities (last night too, 'course walking back I get lost in the ghetto, but that gave me a chance to practice my "Steely Gaze K" persona: the city-tuff girl who is professional and local...it's all about the eyes and non-chalance). So I walk and swing my sunglasses, hum blues songs, peek into windows of super suave bars, even though it makes me look like oliver twist. Anyway, I got lots of Worldfest brocheres to look through (should I join the Scottish Society of Louisville? how 'bout these Chinese classes?...see what I mean...quirky). Miss all my buddies, but I have internet and a phone line, so non-cingular people can call me anytime too! Music: Local H

	2007.08.28  19.15 professional and local Okay, so I have planned to update, if not more frequently, more regularly (so, uh, actually that would mean more frequently as well). But, I still don't have internet (or phone, or cable), but this weekend should bring everything together. I like the job more and more, most likely because I understand it a bit more each day. There is SO much to learn. We have some informal on the job training until november, then in november begins 5 months (ay!) of official training. Caramba. But, I've had my first interview (where someone is inquiring/complaining/addressing, etc. their money/check/baby daddy's situation) as an interpreter. I know too little right now about benefits and stuff to assist people, but because I speak Spanish, I can kinda start doing that 6 months earlier. It's great! It's great feeling competent anyway, when the rest of the day I'm the idiot (with my 3 other training boys). They keep trying to switch my apartment rooms though. First, if was a "foundation problem, you should move". Lies! Then it just wouldn't be clean in time. Nice try! I move in, it has fleas. Aw man...I don't care, I want this room. So, I've lived in my flea circus for the past week and a half, but with a wonderful view. Anyway, the professional pest folks come Thursday. I'm going to bake cookies. Now I'm going to look for a job for Sam in Louisville so she can come live in my Colonel Sanders Apartments (the Colonel adorns the outside). Mood: itchy Music: kid's rap music sitting next to me

	2007.08.15  10.33 moving! During my move I found some missing language software...score! This will help me maintain my Chinese. I was inspired by this American girl I heard on the radio, probably about my age, whose first job after college was to be the personal assistant to one of China's most famous actresses. Yea, she works with Jackie Chan all the time (who was also interviewed on the radio). Anyway, I got a call this morning and most likely my apartment will be ready to welcome me and my stuff. Come see me some time (or at least come and see my stuff). I am nervous about starting Monday, but I get that way before every job. I actually won't start work really...it's training. I have to learn all about the social security benefits program so I can best judge how the government can help these people. If I'm inaccurate, I'm really screwing up lives. Like a doctor! I was worrying whether or not I'd have internet access next week and might not be able to study, and mom was like, Kelsey they don't expect you to study outside of work. I wonder if she's right. Since it's about the time of year I'd return to school, moving out doesn't feel weird...though the idea I just return home after work without work to do...that's different. Maybe I'll prepare a stand up routine to do, like I promised Becky. As of now, I'm working on my room. I can sympathize with Sam--my room never has AC. While working I use four fans, but that doesn't prevent my deodarant from melting out of the tube and all the masking tape from peeling off the boxes. This is the room that made that one oscillating fan explode, teaching us all the importance of giving our appliances a rest. Anyway, I'm so happy everyone updates so frequently. Sam, you need to email me your email address...last time I sent you a message nothing worked. Mood: good

	2007.08.13  13.53 uhhh...hmmm Firstly, thank you to everybody who received a frantic call last weekend while I tried to nail down an apartment! I must say though, I think I had an inflated idea of what Lousiville was going to be like. I heard 'Kentucky' and I figured it'd be a lot like Arkansas. Maybe even prettier. Lousiville is bigger than little rock, but I didn't think it'd make that big of difference. And truth be told, I didn't see that much of Kentucky, I only drove around Lousiville and just outside of it, searching for my apartment, so Kentucky still has a chance to prove itself Kelsey approved. But Louisville....hmmm. Okay, well when I was planning for my apartment I ruled out downtown (even though that's where I work) because I thought it'd be too urban for strolling (which, I have determined, is THE most important factor) so I focused on suburbia. Apparently, I don't know what suburbia is. Hayward told me Sheridan is a suburb. It is apparently the best suburb ever, cause those areas outside of Louisville SUCK. Eugh, roads roads roads, nowhere to walk, trees growing out of plastic pots, traffic running by your front door, rooms with a view that look out at the interstate, rooms that smell like vomit and kitty litter....GAG. On tv, suburbs mean tree lined sidewalks. I thought there'd be sidewalks! The crappiest apartment complex in Sheridan at least has a ditch for you to walk in...those Louisville suburbs trap you. You can't leave your apartment unless in a car. I felt so betrayed and depressed. So after a day and a half, mom and I turned to the downtown area, and though it isn't super safe (like any downtown really) it is quite lovely in areas. There is a huge long street lined with BEAUTIFUL victorian buildings. So, the first apartment I looked at in this area there was a bit of hustling going on, but the next place, a bit out of my preferred spending, was quite clean AND they said I'd be on the 16th floor with A RIVERVIEW! No dogs, but I was sold on the idea of my sipping kool-aid in a cocktail dress, looking out at the Ohio. So I signed up and returned to Arkansas...only so they could call and say my room isn't available, take this other one on the 13th floor away from the river. Said they'd call again monday. So I called today, and that girl was out of town and I got the grumpy manager (who, when we were signing the lease, told us we were too slow) who said boo-hoo lady, it's not my fault, I'll call tommorrow. She won't, but I will. I'm sad enough to be leaving my Arkansas, and I'm crushed 'cause I was counting on Louisville to ease the pain by being a great community too. I'd at least like to have an apartment to move into. Whether or not though, I'm moving Friday and work starts Monday. Mood: crushed